This might have been more suitable for my personal blog, but I think there is something in this that perhaps this blog’s great reflective environment can use.
Forced evaluation
Recently I had forced upon me a reason to evaluate my life.
I am a mature student, enjoying now what I didn’t have the skills to manage 20 years ago. Two weeks ago I had strop, questioning “What was the point?”
The issue in question was the quality of the seminars I am attending – staid, boring, uncritical and, for me personally, without any developmental benefits at all. So I bunked a day, sat at home and got my hands figuratively dirty doing some archival research. Its the high life for us mature students. I questioned, and I still do, the value of 50% of my university contact time if I am not getting anything of benefit from it.
The second forced evaluation came from my youtube music list. I had ended up with All Saints, “Pure Shores” and Groove Armada, “At the river” next to each other. This powerfully reminded me that I want to travel – I love travel. But in a “grab a bag and a spare pair of pants and I’ll see you in 6 months” way, not in a “quick run down to Tenerife for a week” way. There is so much in this world I would dearly love to see.
As is usual in these situations, and with my emotions running admittedly high, I asked myself why? Why waste my time with these seminars (especially with an assignment bottleneck coming up), and why wasn’t I seeing these places?
Settling
The seminar point was possibly the hardest to resolve for a personal benefit. In the end I settled on a compromise.
I had a meeting with two tutors, got things off my chest, fully appreciating they could not resolve my issues.
I then decided that while not attending seminars might give me more time to be more productive, it would also lead to me not reading the material for the seminars and missing out on a huge part of the course. I am not going to get such a chance to read deeply into subjects I really enjoy, so I figured it’s best to take that chance now. If that means turning up for 45 minutes, four times a week and being underwhelmed in return for a good attendance tick then so be it.
I know that sounds arrogant, but unfortunately it is that bad.
The travel thing was easier, but only because of the choices I have made in my life. I don’t do regrets – no point getting wound up about something that has happened.
Staying home
The real barrier to my travel aspirations is my family. My son is a bit too young for this sort of thing and, for my wife, travel means at the minimum a 3-star hotel – better if at all possible. We have very little support, with most of our family living at different ends of the country.
Financially I am student, so money isn’t flush. And we have a very family-centred life that means we all depend on each other to a greater extent, and we are very close as a consequence. They are my rock.
If I have to delay or give up on this wanderlust in return for having a wonderful, magical family situation then it’s no contest. I can live without seeing the Pyramids. Just ;). But maybe we can go run up Snowdon.
Compromise
What this little evaluation has reminded me is the value of compromise. Not just the action, but its result.
Many see compromise as an adoption of a middle ground; sometimes to everyone’s benefit and at other time to no ones. Compromise is often seen as a lessening of both positions, because neither position is adopted. Yet, when we come to beliefs and values, compromise can never be considered.
Or can it?
How do you know that your beliefs and your values are right? How do you know that your approach to them is not only correct, but giving you the best opportunities to be challenged, develop and grow?
It’s too easy to flatly deny something because it confronts and opposes what you believe. Compromise is something that has to be made to work, it requires effort and constant reassessment.
Compromise allows the building of a consensus, and drives a better understanding and appreciation of not only what you value, but of what those around you value. And maybe a few of your values will become theirs, and vice versa.
Life is not perfect. Compromise should not be personally seen either as a way of making things easier or an admittance of defeat. Its another challenge to what you hold dear, a way of strengthening those values and beliefs. Its an opportunity to discover that you’re more more like-minded with people who might just not realise it, or to discover values and beliefs you had never considered before.
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This post is from the pen of FustratedHistorian and I’d like to thank him for putting himself ‘out there’ on such a personal post. Knowing him makes it easier to appreciate the effort and care that went into what may appear a simple piece to many. Thank you, FH.
