“We can’t all do everything.” – Virgil, 70-19 BCE
Chatting to a very good friend of mine on the ‘phone, something that in itself is a pleasure and a stress-reliever, I heard the tale of a conversation had between my friend and some folk in a sauna. One gentlemen from that sauna session was talking about the value of the Jewish religious idea of taking one day out of seven off work. The interesting thing, however, was not the religious teaching being discussed but the link that was made to the idea of emotional intelligence.
How Well Do You Handle Your Stress?
In their excellent book, ‘The EQ Edge‘, Stein and Book introduce us to the 15 skills that form the Bar-On model of Emotional Intelligence. Having undergone the Bar-On EQi test, and having received feedback on my own skill within these 15 skills, I can vouch for the value of becoming aware of one’s own current skill levels. Interestingly, however, one of the major skills is entitled ‘Stress Tolerance’ and forms part of ‘The Stress Management Realm’ of skills, alongside ‘Impulse Control’.
Stress tolerance is defined by Stein and Book as:
The ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without developing physical or emotional symptoms by actively and positively coping with stress.
They recommend that this ability be based upon three things:
1) A capacity to choose courses of action for dealing with stress;
2) An optimistic disposition toward new experiences and change in general and toward your own ability to successfully overcome the specific problem at hand;
3) A feeling that you can control or influence the stressful situation by staying calm and maintaining control.
How well do you stand up to that definition? Are you confident about how well you can handle stress?
It’s an important issue because, aside from the repeated media statistics about how many work-days are lost every year through stress, Stein and Book warn of how anxiety leads to poor general performance and contributes to poor concentration, difficulty in making decisions and sleep disturbances.
Do You Take a Day Off?
Ok, so Stein and Book don’t mention taking a day off in their list of strategies to help cope with stress. They offer some really effective ideas, however, such as meditative relaxation and purposeful distraction. Worth checking out.
So, how does our Jewish gentleman in the sauna connect to our developing Emotional Intelligence? Good question.
Ask yourself: do you take a day off?
I mean really take a day off.
Do you stop working, stop thinking about work, stop worrying about work, focus on your family and friends, spend time serving other people in communal activity, and offer thanks to whichever being(s) you most value for the life that you have?
Religious ideas about taking a day off challenge us to really slow down, stop… and enjoy the good things that we have. If we did this each week, seriously stopped all our working and worrying, then would we feel so stressed?
Here’s how attempts at Sabbath go for me: I intend to take a day off, plan it into my weekend and decide to stop all work. Sometime within the first hour I am thinking about some thing at work that I forgot to do because I am really busy and stressed… and so I make a note in my diary to sort that tomorrow. Then I notice some deficiency in the cleanliness of our home and decide to “just sort that quickly”, setting to the chores with gusto because “it’s not really my job, it’s just housework”. Within a few hours I have busily re-organised my diary, tidied up the house, caught up on my email, written a blog post, and not taken a single moment to really rest.
Resting Means…?
Taking a day of rest means two things:
1) Stopping all work.
2) Focusing outward on the people who make life worth living.
You can’t be resting if you are scuttling around the home all day. You are also not resting if your mind is full of work – especially if you work in a role that is mentally challenging.
The focus of your rest needs to be outward, not inward. It needs to be upon your family, your friends and your community. You need to stop your work and start your gratitude and your sharing.
Be Thankful
Say thank you for all the goodness that enriches your life. The people, the opportunities, the experiences, the challenges and the joys. Reflect upon the week. Chalk up the good stuff. Let your gratitude outshine the stresses of the week past.
Be Together
Spend your time with the people who matter to you. Your partner, your children, your friends. The people from your local community. Imagine what living might be like if we knew and cared for our neighbors as well as our friends and family.
Be a Servant
Whatever your job, you serve others and you receive cash. When you rest, you serve freely. There is a qualitative difference between service work and time spent with others in an act of serving love. Giving your time and your care to those who are around you, in quiet and joy-filled rest together, is something that many of us miss. It’s not about you… it’s about them, for just one day a week.
Purposefully Distracted
Emotionally intelligent people know that Virgil was right: “You can’t all do everything.”
Instead of trying to fill your life with more stuff and the kinds of distractions that dull your senses to the people around you, try taking a day off with those people instead.
You need a break. You need to rest. And, interestingly, your greatest rest will come from being with your family and friends, your neighbors and community.
Of course, many of you will poo-poo such wet-behind-the-ears advice; it’s a waste of precious time within the high-octane world that we now inhabit. Time is money, after all… yet, what use is the money after your heart-attacks and diabetes strip you of your vitality? You’ll spend it all on expensive treatments, or you’ll die. And no-one gets to take the money with them.
Emotionally intelligent people know that Virgil was right: “You can’t all do everything.”
When will you take a real day off?
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Image courtesy of 123RF Stock Photos
